I wish I could tell you that developing your social capital is as simple as following a checklist. Do precisely this, then that, immediately followed by more of this… and you’ll be fine. In reality, it doesn’t work that way. It’s more than that.
But don’t worry, you can still learn it.
Social capital is about putting things together in an effective way. Your social skills, your awareness, your attention to details, and your effort need to come together for something.
Social Capital is all about making people feel cared for.
Take President Obama. He’s a master of social capital. He made millions of voters of this country feel like they’re going to be cared for. There are lots of ways he did that. He’s a great speaker - that certainly helps. He knows who the influencers are - that helps too. These are just a couple examples; there are many things that President Obama does to get people to feel cared for.
But you’re not running for President. Let’s say you’re applying for a new job. In the business world, of course you have to have the requisite level of hard skills to do the job. But beyond that, your social capital is going to make a difference. How do you develop and exercise your social capital to help you get the job?
Make your potential employer feel cared for.
Making your employer feel cared for means convincing them that you’re someone who can handle things. You know what the boundaries are. You know how to set up a situation so that everyone knows what to do. There are many ways to make someone feel cared for. How you go about doing that depends on lots of things:
- your style
- prior experience with this person
- what industry you’re in
- cultural or regional nuances
- and so on
A Business Lunch Example
In a business lunch, you make your guest feel cared for in many different and subtle ways. How you select the restaurant is one. Obviously, if you choose a restaurant that’s far away from your guest’s office, that would not send the right message. She’s not going to feel cared for.
There are more subtle ways. When you take your guest to a restaurant that makes a great Reuben sandwich—because you did your homework and found out that your guest loves Ruebens—you’re making her feel cared for.
When you show up early to make sure that everything is in order and your guest never has to wait, you’re showing that you can take care of things, and your guest feels cared for.
When you know to keep the conversation light and friendly at the beginning of the meal and not launch right into hard business conversation, you’re doing it again; you’re showing them that you understand how to manage the situation so that everyone’s comfortable and cared for.
When they feel this, they relax. You relax.
I could go on and on with examples, like knowing how to handle the check, but the important point is that social capital develops from how you put all these things together to make the other person feel cared for. It’s going to be different for each person and each situation.
Is “showing up early” social capital? No. Can showing up early be part of your overall message that you’re going to take care of things, which can build your social capital? You bet. That’s what we’re talking about here.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
Really helpful — good to be reminded about how these issues are important in the workplace.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 am
I like the perspective of making the other person feel cared for using various social tactics. I’m learning a lot about social savvy from your blog - thanks!
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I like to open myself up to really connect with the person I’m having lunch with. I want to take the risk of actually taking the time to get to know them and what makes them tick.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Taking in to account the time of day is also very important. For example, sometimes it is difficult to do a breakfast with someone because of traffic.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Many great points in your article. I’ve been in sales for over 18 years, and it took me a long time to realize that in client meetings and lunches I was mostly interested in my own personal work agenda. Could I convince them my company was the best choice, or that we deserved more of their business. I finally had a client, that actually liked me, tell me “Aaron, we just sat down for lunch. Let’s catch up a bit first and then we can talk about business.” That’s when it clicked. Not to mention that frankly it’s a lot more fun to talk about social things - sports, their kids, their hobbies - places where we have common ground. Some sales guru said years ago “People buy from individuals they know and trust.” Now I know (well, I’ve known for a while now), and my sales results skyrocketed once I implemented this client focused social selling.
January 30th, 2009 at 5:24 am
I couldn’t agree more. Funny thing, though, there are studies that show that what’s said over a meal is more likely to be remembered than what is said while not eating. Not very artfully stated, but I think you get the drift. It seems to apply even if people don’t like the food.
Thanks for contributing.